The President-Elect’s Cabinet

2016 November 28
by Mike Parmele

So, we here at the Moose believe in holding people accountable for knowing how their government works. It really is the least we, as citizens, owe each other. Obviously, the local level (Mayors, Alderpeople, etc.) is where one may make the most immediate change in one’s daily life; however, we here at the Moose ALSO think we have the types of minds to play RISK! for real, so – WE would like you to know how the Federal Government works. At least, how it’s supposed to work. Think of it as “The Rules” – baseline, default, etc.

To that end, here is a current list of the President-Elect’s Cabinet/Political Appointees and what their spheres of influence entail.

I never thought I’d be saying this about my own country, but, Let’s Play the Feud!

POTUS-ELECT: Donald J. Trump

VPOTUS-ELECT: Michael Pence (Gov. a little scary with the “God loves cured gays” angle, but whatever, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but he’s normal compared to the other guy up there)

Chief of Staff: Reince Priebus (He. Has. No. Idea. What he signed up for – Good Luck and Godspeed, Mr. Priebus)

Chief Strategist: Stephen Bannon (yeesh, more on him as we go along; UPDATE – God forgive me, but I get this guy; more on that later)

Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs: Lt. General Michael Flynn (USA ret.) (whoo-boy, wait until we unpack this one)

Attorney General: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (I’m serious, that’s his name)

Director Central Intelligence (DCI) – Rep. Mike Pompeo (Apparently, we aren’t really supposed to freak out about this guy, so what the heck, I’ll give him a try. UPDATE – Especially if the President-Elect continues to pass on the Presidential Daily Brief)

Ambassador to the United Nations – Governor Nikki Haley (R-SC) (she’s done the right thing when the right thing was obvious and apparent, even though it pissed some heavily armed folks off for twenty minutes – I’m from Tennessee, so please don’t)

Secretary of Education (SECED) – Betsy DeVos (as of this writing, never heard of her – but what I hear is that she might be sketchy, but WHAT ISN’T IN THIS SITUATION? Please don’t ever think of the next four years as normal, please do not normalize this; please, I want to play golf for a living, not have to fight fascism…I beg of you)

White House Counsel – Donald McGahn (ibid. UPDATE – really, I beg of you)

Secretary of State (SECSTATE) – Rex Tillerson (CEO ExxonMobil)

Secretary of Homeland Security (SECHS) – John F. Kelly


And, well, from here we wait on the Infant-King named at the top to make his next move. I’ve decided I’m going to give him until January 20th at noon before commencing my path to a Supreme Court Case.


This is how I fight fascism if you make me people. I’m perfectly willing to be the guy who defends the First Amendment with a case based around my desire to mock incessantly this poor, pathetic man who; incredibly, was selected in a free and fair election to be the President of the United States. In case you’ve forgotten, I’d much rather play golf, but I’m trying to find the “ask not what my country can do for me” moment.

By the way, since someone mentioned golf; I’d like to renew my challenge to the President-Elect: I’ll play him anywhere, anytime straight up (though, Mr. President-Elect, your claimed 3 handicap means you owe me strokes, it sure is a good thing I’m fairly confident you’re a cheater…anywhere, anytime sir; let’s play) 18 holes at stroke play or match play. For the Presidency of the United States (THINK of how much money you can make on that story, I’m not an unreasonable man sir). Calm down, I know what I’m doing.


This post will be updated as puffs of white smoke come out of Tump Tower as he makes more decisions (if it’s good enough for a Pope, it’s good enough for his underlings, no?) and/or as we hone in on the precise type of precipice upon which we dangle.

We certainly have work to do.

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