Mr. President-Elect, on the occasion of your Cincinnati Rally

2016 December 1
by Mike Parmele

I wonder, sir, do you know who  Cincinnatus was?  Do you know what the Society of the Cincinnati is? Is that why you picked Cincinnati?

You stand there tonight, speaking of “action plans,” “love,” and “bringing the country together;” yet you are also equating the citizen with the “company.” That is where things get unnerving sir, not that you understand – it’s fine, after the Pakistan call I can’t expect you to understand this one. But when we start hearing about “companies” being on an equal footing with “the People,” we who think about the histories of government, our ears perk up, sir, because ultimately, the People come first. Not in a Che Guevara, red bandana, HUAC kind of way (though, towards the end of HUAC, yes, exactly those “the People”) but in a “We, the People” kind of way.

Now, sir, you’re rambling about how wrong the press was with their analogies while projecting your defeat. Yes sir, politics and government is tougher than the NFL. That’s because the NFL is a game, sir, grown men playing a boy’s game chasing a ball. Politics is prerequisite to government (even authoritarian regimes, sir, you can’t get around it; see: Kim Jung Un’s uncle and, well, ok his entire extended family) and government is civlization so, yes sir, it’s a bit tougher than boys chasing balls.

You can’t not do it, can you sir? You just can’t. I mean, I get it, I border on the arrogant at times; but you can’t follow rule number 2. Rule #2 – Never miss an opportunity to shut your mouth.

I’m sorry, sir, did you just say that you appointed General George Patton as Secretary of Defense? I mean, I know you appointed “Mad Dog” as SECDEF. But did you just equate him to General George Patton? As SECDEF? Begging the Generals’ pardons, sir, General Patton would have been a HORRIBLE Secretary of Defense.

“Higher than people who were supposed to have done well.” Please, sir, at least have the respect to have prepared your bullshit beforehand. That just shows you’re not even trying.

I think the “Harbor” line was a metaphor, sir. But you digress.

You brought it up again, sir. You’ve now suggested twice that there should be criminal punishment for burning the American flag in protest. Again, sir, name the place, name the time, after you’ve passed your flag burning legislation; I will be there and I will be the test case. Sir, with all due respect, you may not fuck with settled law of the First Amendment. You seem to be relatively easy to convince on things if you are shown to be in a good light – I’d like five minutes of your time to show you how you’ll be LESS of an asshole if you recognize that the only thing you do when you talk about criminalizing speech is make people like me decide to show you to be wrong. Name the place, sir: let’s play.

And so, here we have it sir. This evening you’ve spoken about the following things;

  • Building up our industry, corporations, and military
  • Installing a Combatant Commander as “Civilian Control” over the military
  • Gloating over the election victory
  • Dismissing those against you as poor losers and idiots
  • Rehearsing the threat to criminalize speech and, by extension, thought

Do I need to go on, sir? Do you get it yet?

Wait, I’m sorry, what? Restore the sovereignty….? OH, Wall, got it; as you were.

You have to have read political histories of the WWII era, no? You went to military school for high school, you have to have been assigned those readings. Trust me, I get it that you didn’t do the reading but you had to pick something up while you were writing your crib sheet (I’m just saying, many people are saying you cheat at golf so I assume you cheated at school, MANY people, sir), no?

Sir, did you just threaten the People of the United States if they don’t go along with your anti-terror policies? Because it sounded a little bit like you did. You really did just give us the “Mighty nice country you got there…” line. You need the “Movement” to be more vigilant in Making America Great Again? You really don’t understand echoes of things do you?

SO, if I may sir, since you obviously haven’t given it any thought, I think what you’re putting together as a political philosophy is the populism of the French Revolution with the anger of fascists when they were yelling at each other in German beer halls. That is potent, volatile stuff, sir; there really isn’t much use for that strain of political thought anymore, sir. Any major power war ends in nuclear exchange and major power wars are where that strain of political thought leads, every time, guaranteed. Abuses of rights and transgressions of international law aside.

“Our Great Movement, I’m just the Messenger. Although, let’s face it, I’ve been a pretty good Messenger.”

All in all, sir, you are not doing a good job of assuaging my concerns about your fascist-adjacent words, reasoning, and thought process.

Just letting you know.

Golf or flag burning, let me know where you’d like me to be.


One Response leave one →
  1. Joe Suszczynski permalink
    December 2, 2016

    Excellent column

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